How to Communicate Effectively
Communication is the process of exchanging information, ideas, and thoughts between individuals through various mediums such as spoken or written words, body language, and gestures. Communication can be both verbal and nonverbal and can occur in various contexts, including personal, social, and professional settings.
Effective communication involves not just expressing oneself but also actively listening and understanding the perspective of the other person. It involves both sending and receiving messages accurately and clearly, and making sure that the intended message is received and understood by the other person.
Good communication skills are essential for building and maintaining important relationships, resolving conflicts, and working effectively with others. The ability to communicate effectively also helps in expressing oneself confidently, advocating for oneself, and establishing clear boundaries.
What are the four communication styles?
Passive:
Appropriate and Respectful while Indirect & Dishonest.
Other’s needs are the priority.
Passive-aggressive:
Inappropriate, Disrespectful, Indirect & Dishonest.
Neither person’s needs are the priority.
Aggressive:
Direct and Honest while Disrespectful & Inappropriate.
Your needs are the only priority.
Assertive:
Appropriate, Respectful, Direct and Honest.
Needs are equal.
Core principles of assertive communication
Assertive communication is a healthy style of communication in which an individual expresses their needs, wants, and opinions clearly, confidently, and respectfully, while also respecting the needs and boundaries of others. Assertive communication involves expressing oneself in a direct, honest, and open way, without being aggressive or disrespectful towards others.
Assertive communication involves several key principles, such as:
Being clear and specific: Assertive communication involves being clear and specific about what you want or need, and communicating that in a way that is easy to understand.
Using "I" statements: Assertive communication involves using "I" statements to express your own feelings and needs, rather than placing blame on others.
Active listening: Assertive communication involves actively listening to others and acknowledging their needs and feelings, even if you do not agree with them.
Respecting boundaries: Assertive communication involves respecting the boundaries of others and communicating your own boundaries clearly and respectfully.
Problem-solving: Assertive communication involves working collaboratively with others to find solutions to problems and conflicts.
Assertive communication techniques to try now
Engage in Self-Disclosure –If the individual is respectful, consider assertively sharing how you feel and think about what they said. Your comments provide them additional information and gives them an opportunity to consider your perspectives.
Agreeing with the Truth –If they share a criticism about you that you believe is fair or valid, agree with their statement. Example: “I think it’s fair to say that.”
Employ the Broken Record Technique –This technique is especially helpful when communicating with someone who continues to push your boundary through persistent questioning or criticism. While they keep pressuring you to conform to their preferences, repeat your boundary in the most simple terms possible. Repeat yourself in a calm and neutral tone that is not laced with frustration or condescension. Example: “I’m not going to the movies with the family tonight.” When they push your boundary once more, you can respond again: “I’m not going to the movies with the family tonight.”
Agree with Partial Truths –If you can identify partial truth in the person’s criticism of you, show them that you agree. Example: The individual could claim that you're selfish because you asked your sister, Camille, to help you move but didn’t help her move last year. Conveniently, the individual may omit important context: that you didn’t live within driving distance when your sister moved. You can respond in a calm and neutral tone: “I didn’t help Camille move last year,” omitting a justification as to why that was the case. When you justify yourself, particularly to others who are committed to misrepresenting or misunderstanding you, it will likely invite a fruitless and energy-draining argument.
Offer a Reasonable Compromise –In cases where the person is respectful and cooperative, try to identify a compromise that serves both parties.
Engage in Fogging –When faced with criticism, don’t defend yourself against it. And refrain from responding with criticism of them.
Acknowledge Logical Statements –When their criticism demonstrates an element of logic, acknowledge the logic in their comment. Example: In a calm and sincere tone, you can say, “While I see things differently, I can definitely understand how someone could arrive to that conclusion.”
Own Your Errors –When they point out your limitations or errors, acknowledge them openly and neutrally, without being self-shaming or defensiveness. Example: “You’re right. I struggle to manage my emotions and become easily defensive.”
In summary, assertive communication is an important skill for effective communication and building healthy relationships. It involves expressing oneself in a clear, confident, and respectful way, while also respecting the needs and boundaries of others.
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