16 Signs of Emotional Abuse
Emotional abuse involves control, manipulation, threats, efforts to isolate someone, and demeaning behavior. Recipients of emotional abuse often suffer from anxiety, low-self esteem, depression, and confusion.
Emotional abuse can come from a partner, parent, friend, boss, or other people in your life. In families, emotional abuse is often normalized or justified, making it harder for the recipient to see it for what it is. In many cases, it’s helpful to get an outside perspective from a mental health professional.
Below, we’ll look at 16 signs of emotional abuse:
1. Repeated criticism and judgement
You receive a constant stream of criticism. Everything you do seems to be wrong, foolish, or offensive. Even minor details are blow out of proportion.
2. Efforts to belittle, humiliate, or embarrass
When you’re around the person who is behaving in emotionally-abusive ways, you often feel humiliated or embarrassed. While in their presence, you find yourself bracing for the next serving of humiliation based on your previous experiences with them.
3. Sense of worthlessness and defectiveness
You have a deep sense of defectiveness or worthlessness because you’ve received the repeated message that you don’t measure up to their standards or can’t be trusted to do things the right way. This message may be communicated overtly or covertly.
4. Your relationship shifts between positive to negative states.
Sometimes, the emotionally-abusive person seems supportive and loving towards you. They might tell you that they love you, or they might say “I’ll always have your back.” In emotionally-abusive relationships, moments of conditional support often give you hope that your relationship is on an upward turn. These moments of respite are fleeting because the abusive behaviors are only temporarily at bay.
5. Denying things that happened
Denying something that has occurred for the purpose of making someone else question their perception of reality is a form of gaslighting. People who gaslight might deny calling you names last week, or deny having borrowed money from you. While you know that the event did occur, their unwavering confidence that it did not occur is enough to make you question your perceptions. Repeated interactions like this may leave you feeling disoriented, confused, anxious, or depressed.
6. Offering conditional support that’s dependent on your behavior
If you don’t behave the way they believe you should, they will engage in the silent treatment, walk out of the room, or berate you for being “stupid" or “selfish.” When you give in to conform to their preferences, they will often behave more positively towards you.
7. Interfering with other relationships or goals
People who are emotionally-abusive can sabotage another person’s goals or relationships. They might cause conflict between you and your friends to isolate you. They may hide your car keys when you’re about to go to a job interview that they don’t want you to attend. Often times, they create justifications for their behaviors, such as they are only looking out for your best interest.
8. Monitoring or controlling another’s behavior
They repeatedly comment on your behavior and appearance, mostly in the form of overt or covert criticisms. Being under their watchful eye can make you feel internal pressure. To ease the pressure, you find yourself making decisions that will keep their comments at bay.
9. Isolating a person from their friends, family, or community
They may try to isolate you from your social network by making threats towards you, your friends or loved ones; using manipulation, claiming that they are the only person in the world who genuinely cares about you; limiting your access to money, transpiration, or modes of communication.
10. Being infantilized or controlled under the guise of helpfulness
They force their ‘help’ on you even when you decline it. While at a local store, they might take an item out of your hand and say, “I can’t let you buy that. You know you’re an impulsive shopper.”
11. They make jokes as your expense.
When they make hurtful comments about you, they claim that they were only joking. If you take the ‘jokes’ seriously and openly express hurt, they will likely accuse you of being “too sensitive.”
12. They ignore your feelings.
When making decisions, they do not take your feelings into consideration and they often invalidate them.
13. Unrealistic expectations
Though all human beings are works in progress, the emotionally-abusive holds you to a superhuman standard. When you show your humanness and lack of ‘perfection’, the emotionally-abusive uses it against you, demonstrating a lack of compassion and humility.
14. Moral superiority
They often behave morally superior because they believe that they have special insights that others lack. People who behave in emotionally-abusive ways are ‘experts’ on how families or people should behave; they won’t hesitate to correct you by offering unsolicited advice.
15. Paranoia and accusations
You could be blamed for something you didn’t do. Or they might tell you that someone else is out to make them look bad or sabotage them.
16. Threats to property, your safety, or other’s safety
They may make threats to your belongings, self, or others to manipulate you into not seeking outside contact, leaving them, or seeking professional opportunities that threaten their sense of control.
Some Consequences of Emotional Abuse
Perceptual confusion
Low self-esteem
Social isolation
A chronic sense of fear
Insomnia
If you have experienced emotional abuse, know that healing is possible. A mental health professional can help you on this journey.
Schedule a free 15-minute phone consultation with Elese - Walnut Creek Therapist.
